IF YOU SEEK AMY
Um, I have an issue. Well, I have multiple, but we are going to focus on one at a time today. My most current and pressing issue is with the song “If You Seek Amy” by Britney Spears.
Everyone has been muttering about the genius lyrics of the song because you have all clearly been huffing ReddiWhip cans. Rumor has it that when one says, “If you seek Amy” that it sounds very similar to saying, “if you fuck me.”
I understand a great deal many things, so I know it has to be all of you that are cognitively impaired because this one eludes me. I’ve listened to the song about four hundred and twenty-two times and you know what it sounds like to me? “If you seek Amy…” That’s what it sounds like, it sounds exactly like the words she’s saying.
So I googled it seeing if someone could help clarify my confusion, because we all know the internet is filled with brilliance. I found a message board where someone was saying anyone who didn’t understand this is clearly retarded. I’d like to meet this person face to face because I’d be willing to bet you diamonds for dirt they are missing teeth and sport a mullet. This person laid out the lyrics, as seen below, and I assume the upper case words are what one is supposed to emphasize.
Let’s all try together: “all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you SEEK AMY.” It ended with, “and if that doesn’t make sense, your a moron.”
Oh good sir, am I really? Am I really a moron? To me it would make a lot more sense if the word “seek” was replaced with “fuck” and “amy” with “me.” Yes, I think that is how it would make the most sense.
“all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to you if you fuck me.”
“Oh, yes, I get it now!”
The other problem I have with it is that even if it DOES mean “fuck me,” from a grammatical viewpoint, it makes little sense at best. All of the boys and girls are begging to…what? Begging to do what if you fuck her? They aren’t begging to fuck her, they are begging to do something else after they’ve fucked her, but what? (“all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to BLANK if you fuck me.”) Apparently in the mind of Britney we simply do not need to know. I thought perhaps they were begging to see Amy, since other verses of the song seem to allude to this character of Amy. But if Amy is Britney’s vah-jay and they just fucked it…then they already met Amy as their penis was just in it!
This song ticks me off more than “Everytime.” I loathed that song for such a long time because it bothered me that they put every and time together. Every and time do not go together. That is not a word. It’s every space time. Dammit.
I guess in this world of trying to make sense of things, one has to pick their battles lest they should lose their damn mind. I’m going to let this one go for a while, but if anyone can explain it to me it would be much appreciated. Maybe I have the volume up to loud, or perhaps to quiet? Regardless, I feel like someone that has been left out of an inside joke, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.
- Michael
