SOCelebrity

Do I have issue with Miley Cyrus? Well, I think that’s a rather silly question to be asking. Of course I do. Of course I have issue with Miley Cyrus, that incestuous nymph (see photo below. That’s how my dad and I watch movies together, only I’m usually in just a thong). 

I am not just filled with horror to be blogging about her most recent music video, but more so horrified that she was ever allowed to make a music video in the first place! We live in some dark times my friends, dark times indeed. I believe Nostradamus prophesied such evil in the end days of this planet. 

This issue I take with the Fly On the Wall video is that it is a direct rip off of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. The only difference is that the “Michael Jackson” character turns into a paparazzi, not a monster, after leaving the movie theater and chases Miley around town. Where Michael Jackson’s face turned into that of a horrifying monster in Thriller, the Fly On the Wall video features this boys slurpee cup morphing into a camera. I would like a small, round lead projectile submerged into my brain please. What an original idea. She’s on her what, third music video? and she already has to resort to recycling old ideas? That screams career longevity right there. 

In Thriller we all recall the flawless choreographed dancing of Michael Jackson and all the hideous undead. In Miley’s video, however, there is a choreographed dance scene of paparazzi mimicking the Thriller dance (because why the hell not?). She of course stands off to the side and observes because, to reiterate, she has no talent and cannot dance. The only dance move she can do involves her spreading her arms and stumbling around, looking like a bird with down syndrome about to fly into a large glass window. 

The video ends with her bitching about being followed around by the paparazzi, and hunny, I have to sympathize with you on that. I wish the paparazzi didn’t follow you around either. I would much rather they followed someone that is interesting. Someone that isn’t Disney Channel’s bitch. 

If the video wasn’t reason enough to add Miley Cyrus to my thirty-three thousand page listing of people who I don’t much care for, the fact that Chris Crocker likes her is. All credibility of something, even if it only had a miniscule amount to begin with, is lost when someone who walks around saying, “It’s a hair flip” and “eat my corn hole” endorses it. True, Chris Crocker was all for Britney Spears, but that situation varied slightly because Miss Spears gives the impression she wouldn’t be caught dead in the same room with him. Miley Cyrus and Chris Crocker have pictures together. Evil. 

I give this video negative eighty-seven million stars. 

-Michael

The Video: Watch but be forewarned.